"Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides" Review and Illustration by Tim

I’m what you’d call a pirate aficionado. Treasure Island is my favorite book, I have a pirate-themed room at my parent’s vacation home, and I count 2003’s “Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl” amongst my favorite movies. 

However, the subsequent “Pirates of the Caribbean” films seem pretty polarizing. Most people either genuinely loved them, or viciously hated them. I’m a proud member of the latter group. “Dead Man’s Chest” and “At World’s End” got so wrapped up in convoluted storylines and featuring more and more of Johnny Depp’s Jack Sparrow craziness, that they missed out on that whole sense of fun and adventure that the first film has in spades. 

So when the powers-that-be acknowledged the shortcomings of the latest “Pirates” films and said the fourth installment would be a back-to-basics adventure featuring Blackbeard — who just so happens to be my favorite pirate — how could I be anything but excited?

“Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides,” carries on the tradition of the other films — it’s about an hour too long. The directing is fine, the acting (as usual) is top-notch and the special effects are downright neat. 

But just like its two predecessors, most of the movie’s problems stem from the writing. But where the first two suffered from complicated story lines, “On Stranger Tides” is the opposite. It’s almost too straightforward. 

Several times I felt like it was headed for some mind-blowing twist in the story only to discover that no, the story is really about as simple as it seems. I feel like they’re basically mistaking “story” for “exposition.” For instance, Blackbeard (Ian McShane) is a villain. How do we know this? BECAUSE EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER IN THE MOVIE MENTIONS THAT BLACKBEARD IS A VILLAIN. Even Blackbeard himself remarks, “I’m a bad man.” What does he do to show us just how “bad” he is? 

He kills a guy. 

But he doesn’t kill just any guy — that would be too easy. Instead, he kills a guy that has nothing to do with the plot. (Though, in his defense, in a movie this simple, it might have been difficult to find such a man.) But wow, that is one bad man, am I right?

Wait, isn’t this a movie about pirates? And, haven’t they all killed someone at some point?

Another example: Blackbeard commands a crew of zombies. That’s interesting, right? Right. Well, Jack Sparrow makes passing note that Blackbeard, “raises the dead in his spare time.” And he leaves it at that. I mean, seriously? I feel like the back-story to these characters would have made a more interesting movie than the movie itself.

The film is a race between three crews: England, led by Geoffrey Rush’s Barbossa, Blackbeard, and Spain. All of them are trying to reach the Fountain of Youth. And for a movie that’s all about “getting there first,” it’s incredibly slow going. There really isn’t even all that much pirating going on. There are no epic battles on the high sea, no real plundering to speak of, and there’s only one (that I caught) reference to the theme park ride that started it all! Though to be fair, turning an 8-minute attraction into a four-film, ten-hour movie franchise is an impressive feat. So the fact that there was any part of the ride left to acknowledge is pretty remarkable.

Ultimately, I had a lot of fun, and the movie is very much an improvement over the second and third piraty outings, but “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” still doesn’t quite recapture the fun and adventure of the first film. 

3 silver chalices out of 5


Review by Tim
Edited by Aaron

"Thor" Review by Chris, Illustration by Tim

First let me say that I don't like the "Thor" comics. As a series, "Thor" is filled with mythology and terminology that many aren't familiar with. Can the movie adaptation balance out a deep history with accessibility?

If it isn't obvious, "Thor" is about the god of thunder, Thor, and his banishment to Earth (sometimes called “Midgard”) to learn what is needed to be a king. Here he meets Jane Foster and he gains a new perspective on life. Although most of Thor's scenes take place on Midgard, a significant amount of the story is also spent in Asgard, the world of the gods. Loki, Thor's adopted brother, uses his brother’s absence to gain power and take his father's throne. The multi-world story telling helps make Thor relatable as a character, while also keeping the viewer abreast of changes in Asgard.

The visuals of "Thor" are different for each of the explored worlds, but all of them are a treat. The glowing magnificence of Asgard and its rainbow bridge shows the godly world Thor is used to. Asgard’s glory is balanced out by the vast emptiness of the New Mexico deserts of Midgard. The ice world of Niffleheim is dark and practically screams evil. The battles are brilliantly coordinated, and no motion feels wasted. Sadly, none of these visuals are enhanced by the 3D effect. A few shots gain amazing depth from 3D, but the majority will make you wish you hadn't spent the extra money.

Chris Hemsworth is the living embodiment of Thor. He looks and feels exactly like comic book super hero, but with modern touches to keep him accessible for new audiences. Natalie Portman as Jane Foster is a strong balance for Thor, but doesn't have the same depth as a character. Tom Hiddleston and Anthony Hopkins as Loki and Odin respectively keep the events in Asgard heart wrenching, even after the main character departs. Hiddleston creates a unique villain, finding a balance of simple mischievousness and true evil. Stellan Skarsgard, Kat Dennings and Clark Gregg fill out the human cast and keep information and humor flowing.

The movie keeps close to Thor's source material, and makes small changes to modernize it. The biggest change is the removal of Thor's human counterpart Donald Blake. Blake had no knowledge of being Thor and had to use a stick to transform into the god. Though fans might be angered by this change, it wouldn't have worked in the film. Fans will get plenty of hidden references in exchange, such as a cameo from Hawkeye and the Cosmic Cube. The humor heavily plays off Thor's lack of knowledge of Midgard, but about half the jokes are based on pop culture and probably won't stand the test of time.

"Thor" hasn't converted me to a fan, and I still can't recommend the comic books, but the movie is entertaining, and anyone can enjoy it. Its references to the approaching "Avengers" movie are light, keeping the focus on a solid origin story. If you like comic books or Norse mythology this movie will speak to you more, but it can be enjoyed by all.

I give it 4 "Mjolnir hammers" out of 5!

Written By Chris
Edited by Aaron
Illustration by Tim