"Silent Hill: Revelation" review by Chris

The first "Silent Hill" could be broken down into two parts: the first was an hour ripped straight from the video games with barely a handful of functional changes to make it work better on film. The second hour was when the film slowly deteriorated from complete fan service to a mass of confusing plots and bloody gore. "Revelations" aims to right the wrongs of the first film by diving head long into the game’s mythos while using modern horror techniques.

The result repairs the damage done to the story, but the byproduct is that it can only be understood by fans that know the games. The scary stuff also works against the plot. While the story thrives on the unknown and tries to keep you guessing, the scares focus on an abundance of shocking pop-in gimmicks and blood. This, mixed with the rushed feel of the film, decreases the value of both, leaving another muddled mess.

The score also suffers from a similar unbalance and the acting is average. Only the special effects shine as disturbingly beautiful, but it's far from enough to make this anything more than a mindless horror flick. Fans of the video games will adore the plot, but everything else will disappoint even the most diehard. If you're in the mood for an average mindless horror film, look no further, but I'd recommended renting a classic.

2 "severed arms" out of 5

Written by Chris

Edited by Aaron

"Hotel Transylvania" review by Chris

For years Dracula has been feared and hunted. To protect his daughter, Mavis, from these horrors, he built a hotel for monsters to seek refuge, but as Mavis gets older this isn't enough for her. All seems well until a human stumbles into the castle. Now Dracula must fight to keep him a secret or lose "Hotel Transylvania" and his daughter forever.

And that's about all you need to know. The plot is heartwarming but predictable; the characters are fun and the script light hearted. All the voice actors deliver and the animation is pretty. There aren't any major bumps or snags that stop this from being an enjoyable film for all ages, there just isn't anything special about it either. A couple of the jokes stand out and there's a strong "learn to let go" moral for parents, but this is a film obviously directed towards children and they will enjoy it.

If you have any interest in the classic monsters or are just looking to have a good time with your kids, you should check this film out, just don't expect to be blown away.

3 "Vampires" out of 5

 Review by Chris

Edited by Aaron

"Resident Evil: Retribution" review by Chris

I guess the time has come for yet another Resident Evil film. It's easy to brush this one off without giving it a chance, but it's actually not as bad as the last couple of films. That isn't to say it redeems the franchise or even that it's a good film, just better than its predecessors.

 Milla Jovovich returns as Alice, and despite an obvious attempt to humanize her by giving her a daughter, she remains aloof and robot-like. What makes this film better are the action and set pieces. The movie captures the video game formula by having Alice and company travel through multiple simulated environments, each reflecting a different part of the world with different monsters. Each locale represents a different video game level, giving the director a lot to work with.

 With the series’ finally returning to full videogame formula, the only problem remaining is that it still isn't a Resident Evil game. What we have here is a mindless action film that can't accept what it is. It attempts to make viewers “feel” for these characters with “emotions” but fails on every level. Part of it is that characters take so many bullet wounds and severe beatings while remaining in perfect health that often they don't even seem human anymore.

 The sound design should also be noted... as the worst part of the film. All the voices sound like they were dubbed over in editing and don't connect with mouth movements. The sound track repeats several monotonous songs, all of which are overly loud and sound like a portion of a "final fight" song looping. The only time the sound design works is when everyone shuts up and starts shooting.

 "Retribution" could have been the first film in this franchise since the original that I gave a pass too, but unnecessary plots and horrific sound work take away from the amazing action. It may work as a mindless action film for some, but it continues to drag the resident evil name through the mud. Luckily director Paul W. S. Anderson stated that the 6th and final film will only be made if "Retribution" is a success, so maybe the series will finally die here. Let’s all cross our fingers.

 

1.5 "Long Dead Corpses" out of 5

 Written by Chris

Edited by Aaron

"Paranorman" review by Chris, Illustration by Tim

Norman is a boy who can see and talk to the dead, but when his gifts make him an outcast, he can't even trust his own family to be there when he needs them. A curse from a witch and a zombie attack  drive the story forward, but Norman's struggle to be accepted is what give this film heart. The oddball collection of other characters never get their own tales, but each gives a unique perspective on Norman, which helps "Paranorman" become something more than just a children's film. 

Let's get this out of the way: I could gush over this film’s animation for days. Laika Inc. continues to show unparalleled talent for stop-motion animation, and it is simply a wonder to behold. The only way this film could fail is with poor voice acting, but the cast delivers strong performances on all fronts. With all the actors bringing their A-game, it’s hard to even pick one that stands out from the crowd.

The music and visuals hearken back classic 70's horror films, giving longtime fans of the genre something extra. The comedy is geared towards children, but there is a smattering of adult focused jokes. The story has a level of depth not seen in most animated movies, and it carries strong morals, which makes this film wonderful for all ages.

This isn't to say "Paranorman" is perfect. At several points the movie struggles with its identity: the occasional joke during a serious moment or a scare during comedic scenes show a lack of focus, but it’s still a spectacular film.

"Paranorman" is a gripping story with lots of laughs, and there's really nothing left to say but go see it.

4 "Zombies" out of 5

Written by Chris

Edited by Aaron

"The Watch" review by Chris

"The Watch" is a movie that plays out exactly as you’d expect, so I’ll keep it short and sweet: Evan, played by Ben Stiller, gathers a group of three other normal guys to search for murderous aliens. It’s a basic Ben Stiller plot with a group of screwball guys in abnormal circumstances, and while it sets up lots of opportunities for comedy, it never knows what to do with them. 

 The jokes tend to start strong, but then they linger, until their dried up husks riddle the movie from beginning to end. Interlaced with the occasional serious moment to help the audience connect with the characters, the film’s protagonists have few real problems that carry any weight with a spectator. Slowing things down further is a lack of enthusiasm from the cast — Vince Vaughn and Jonah Hill tone down their usual routine a little, but still mostly just act like themselves. Richard Ayoade at first seems like he might be a breath of fresh air, but ends up falling flat like the others.

None of this is to say that you can't find enjoyment in "The Watch." Some jokes work well, but none are enough to keep this from being an utterly forgettable waste of time.

1.5 "Neighborhood Watches" out of 5

Written by Chris

Edited by Aaron

“The Dark Knight Rises” Review & Comic by Tim

     “The Dark Knight Rises” was never going to be the cultural touchstone that its
predecessor, 2008’s “The Dark Knight” became. That said, “Rises” is an excellent
bookend to director Chris Nolan’s trilogy and a very satisfying conclusion for what I
think will be considered the definitive Batman series for the foreseeable future. Go
see it. It’s worth it. It’s easily the best “Part 3” movie I’ve ever seen. It’s awesome. It’s
great. It’s full of much of the same things that made the last two awesome and great.
It’s darn good.

     Okay. That’s that. I wanted to stress early on that I really liked “The Dark Knight
Rises” (Really, I did!). It was very enjoyable, but I also have some fundamental
problems with it.

     Christopher Nolan is known for making movies that force the audience to think. He’s
kind of a match made in heaven for a superhero who is known for his quiet,
brooding intellect. Having said that, much of 2008’s “The Dark Knight” is dedicated
to Batman grappling the morality of his mission: Is it okay to kill villains in order to
serve the greater good? Ultimately, he refuses to kill the Joker and instead he quite
literally leaves him hanging. But then in the next and final scene of the movie, he
tackles the murderous Two-Face (former do-gooder D.A. Harvey Dent) off a building
to save Commissioner Gordon’s son. Two-Face dies in the fall while Batman lives
and agrees to take the blame for Dent’s crimes. Little to no attention is paid to the
fact that Batman just killed a guy. I don’t understand — are we not supposed to
think about it?

[From here on out, SPOILER ALERT!]
     Then we open up “The Dark Knight Rises” eight years later, and Harvey Dent is still
remembered as the District Attorney who helped wipe Gotham City clean of
organized crime. The public believes that the Batman murdered Harvey Dent. But
wait, Batman DID kill Harvey Dent. I know the point is that Batman took the fall for
crimes he didn’t commit, but Harvey Dent’s murder isn’t one of them. This is,
however, an argument of semantics and fairly easy to overlook.

     In the wake of Dent’s death, Gotham has become a kind of police state, with
criminals denied parole and often unable to plead insanity. Crime is at an all-time
low and all is well in Gotham, or so it seems. The League of Shadows (the group of
balance-restoring eco-terrorists from “Batman Begins”) is back to finish the work of
Ra’s Al Ghul, who was played by Liam Neeson in “Begins.” ( This is presumably
because every good “threequel” tends to hearken back to the first film.) This time
around, the terrorists are led by Bane (Tom Hardy), a mysterious figure who was
once excommunicated from the League for his savage brutality. The plot unfolds,
thickens, and takes numerous twists and turns, yadda yadda yadda. By the way, I
LOVED the twist. You know. The big one. Not the final twist or the one before that…
but the big one. Yeah. That one.

[MAJOR SPOILERS!]
     Apart from a few pacing issues (I think the Dark Knight actually rises two or three
times in this movie), and the aforementioned logic issues, I have one more problem
with “The Dark Knight Rises.” And really, it just comes down to my own opinion.

     I know that this is the last Batman movie for Nolan and company. I know he wanted
to wrap up his (and Bruce Wayne’s) story, and I do think it’s elegantly done and
Batman couldn’t ask for a better send-off. But for my money, Bruce Wayne would
never quit being Batman. Ever. The way I see it, and I think Bruce sees it this way
through most of the film, his parent’s deaths rocked him so badly that the rest of his
life becomes a battle to the death between the Batman and crime itself. It’s very
satisfying as a moviegoer to see Bruce Wayne sort of ride off into the sunset with
Catwoman, but as a fan of Batman, I’m not so sure. After all, it’s his strong personal
drive, which is the same drive that compels him to fight crime dressed up as a bat,
and makes him such a magnetic character in the first place.

     As good as the first two? Nah, but still a great finale in its own definitive way.

4 YOU-KNOW-WHO’s out of 5!
® ® ® ® ;-)

Movie Review Catch-up by Chris

Spoiler Alert may have been off the Internet for a while, but that doesn't mean we haven't been at the theater! We might have been busy, fleeing from werewolf Swiss-banker assassins or even dead, but you’ll never know. Here are some quick reviews of a few movies we managed to catch while hiding out in theaters (they’re like kryptonite to those WSBAs).


"Brave"

While it falls slightly short of the standards set by previous Pixar films, "Brave" still delivers great comedy, thrilling action and also delivers a punch as a well executed "girl power" story. Our protagonist, Merida (Kelly Macdonald), just wants a chance to be her own woman and avoid following in the footsteps of her Mother, the Queen. Through a bizarre spell that transforms the queen into a bear, both characters begin to better understand one another as the Pixar storytellers once again prove their talent for subtly with the Queen’s wordless communication. Although lacking the grandeur of many Pixar films, "Brave" is still a beautiful movie that should be experienced.

4 "Bulls-eyes" out of 5

"Seeking a Friend for The End of the World"

Brilliant performances and a heartwarming story should have made this one for the ages, but lackluster editing and an overabundance of pointless cameos drag the film down. Director Lorene Scafaria doesn't shy away from the tougher problems that come with an apocalypse, and throughout the film Dodge (Steve Carell) and Penny (Keira Knightley) meet countless others and experience multiple ways of handling the end of the world. Without giving too much away, let’s just say several of those are very dark. The film adds some interesting perspectives on the topic, but extra characters clog it up, and keep the heartfelt story of Dodge and Penny from reaching full potential. Saved mostly by the acting, this film survives in the middle when it could have flown high, like a flaming meteor of doom.

2.5 "asteroids" out of 5

"Ted"

Thanks to a unique take on the buddy film and some solid writing, "Ted" starts strong right out the gate. Mark Wahlberg and Seth McFarlane both give it all they have, and carry the film. The remaining cast adds more humor and depth without subtracting from the absurdity. But the film also suffers from similar problems as Seth McFarlane's "Family Guy” — much of the humor is reliant on an audience’s knowledge of pop and nerd cultures, and some jokes outstay their welcome while others won't hold up to repeat viewings. Despite the minor problems, if you can't laugh at this film on your first go-around, you should have your pulse checked — you might be dead inside.

3.5 "Teddy Bears" out of 5

"Amazing Spider-man"

Spider-man is back on the big screen with a return to the beginning. Attempting to add freshness and youth, this new origin story takes on darker tones than the originals, and follows Peter (Andrew Garfield) through his teen years. This works for most parts, but falls to pieces in others. Although Peter and Gwen Stacy (Emma Stone) are both fantastic characters, their love story feels childish and fake. The story slows down at too many points, making the 136 minute length feel unexpectedly long. Spider-man’s signature quips also occasionally contrast with darker scenes and seem a little out of place. An interesting story and great action keep the film entertaining — it may not be "Amazing," but it establishes the potential for something much greater in the sequel.

3 "Web shooters" out of 5

Written by Chris
Edited by Aaron